It’s not over till its over.
Bunked up at the Ranch. Brookfield Farm to be exact. Things are getting better. Im not as stressed out when we go out, but the personal life is hard for my mind. I am trying loose the false construct of myself but at the same time trying not loose the person that I am. I don’t understand it all but I am starting to put it in to words. I talk to the people around me about the things I am thinking and feeling and its helps me put the story together.
I am better at talking than I am at writing. Words flow out of my mouth, but when I put it on paper I feel like my inflection gets lost. I like writing too but I like talking more.
In long car rides, if I am with a friend, I can talk to for hours. mono e mono. Sometimes we talk for hours loosing complete sight of how far away or where we had driven. Just talking, about everything.
Sometimes when I drive alone, I can sit for hours in complete silence with the window cracked just a bit smoking cigarettes and just thinking. The sound of the wind and the hum of the tires. I like the drives with friends the best but sometimes thats not an option. When it was an option, when we had time to kill and nowhere to go, we just drove. Deep in to the interworking of our minds, picked each other apart and broke each other down. We cried and we laughed, peed out of windows, rode on top of roofs, visited tourist locations, stole olive oil and made love all over the place. Sex love and word love, depending on who it was. I have had the privilege to take long drives with many of my friends and girlfriends in the past.
It is those people that can attest to the fact that when I get talking, I can really start talking. I feel like that is my weapon of choice. In all situations, but especially on those long rides, it was the vocalizing our selves, listening to them, changing conversations 3 times, then coming back to the one we started before the sidetracks that had added to the picture. All inside in our personal 75 mile an hour little bubble. Sometimes we just listen to music and think. Sometimes we hold hands, sometimes we hold nothing. Those conversations for me, have made those relationships deeper and unbreakable.
I love to talk. I love to have conversations and eat out. I love lunch food, breakfast food and dinner food but I love breakfast the most because thats when I feel like people talk the most.
I connect with words. I feel and see through conversation. I want to know more about the world. I want to be better. ‘Practice and Enlightenment are not two” I want to be better.
I want to make a radio show but I am embarrassed to talk like a crazy person but I want to talk. We are actively doing things everyday that is hurting ourselves and everyone around us and I think if we can take a timeout and talk this whole thing through maybe it could make a lot of people feel a lot more safe.
We can’t protect ourselves from something we don’t understand. That is a universal statement for all beings. It is hard to love something you don’t understand but love is a wonderful thing. It is something to be proud of. It is something that you need to work for but is 100% possible if we allow ourselves to be honestly honest with how we are and how we see the world.
I want to make this magazine and I want you’re help. We do not have enough sources of information our country, it is being torn apart and we are being pinned against each other. The way out is to communicate and organize.
‘Underground network alternative communication’
Things are seriously getting out of control and if we don’t all work together to do something IN THIS LIFE TIME things are only going to get worse.
Help me start a News Paper. Donate your opinions. Organzine with each other, but most importantly we need to start talking about the abnormalities and glitches that some us have the power to attest to. If you have any ideas, writing or information that help can shed light on these things I think it would help.