Bet My Life
To whom do I owe this and to whom do I ask?
Are we there yet? It’s a double entendre. For me though, it’s an interesting mess. I guess I’m either brave or stupid either way, forward we go.
Sorry, I didn’t mean to love you and yet be a world away the entire time… The territorial lunches, actually semi romantic in a way, a secret kind of love, all in a line between consciousnesses or am I, have I, lost it? Have I been beaten, roasted, toasted like bread. It’s painful to watch the footage of me talking. It's fun to watch the footage of us playing in the woods and running around the country, but my chemistry is changing in more ways than one as I grow older. I want different things now, but more than anything I want the truth. It’s a painful game, like being locked in a jail cell with your wife. Or being a prisoner in your own skin. Since we were kids. Since we have kids, since we have to be kids to preserve sanity. To play along and create games, be a game, live a game. No guilt, guiltless, preserve the constant silence. Letting go. It is infinite but the prospects scare me. It seems to be a dead end or a focus for love and passion, for future. It’s like, is this the only game left? How many people are even here? Where do all the people go that aren't here? There aren't THAT many people in the city, where do the other ones that I don’t see go? Where do they live? What do they do? What is actually happening? Am I just making a scene. Is my life like a bubble that people can walk in and out of? Am I some sort of traveling story line? Walking through a obstacle course of documented and deposited energies? What the fuck people! What the fuck! Am I one of many of these traveling timeline bubbles walking freely unknowingly and some knowingly pinned against each other? Is that what you see? How many other bubbles are there? Are there bubbles that are in different times…? Like 2000 years in the future? Are stop lights and street signs future robot patrol dominators? Do we live in virtual reality inside the future of a robot world? Tell me? Can a famous person be rented out for a night to do a show in front of tens of thousands of people for the entertainment of the one implanted in their body? Are our consciousness harvested for energy and information, food, entertainment and survival? Evolution has surpassed organs and hearts, it has risen to place of rhythms and systems, electronic snakes that speak in ticks, and tings, that is our government. The future.
Touring around in live bubbles like a caravan of thieves while some of us play mental sci fi shooting games to pass the time. Do I scare you with my ramble, do you shudder for my isolation and my nerve? I doubt it, but I do. How could I. How could I give up everything great in my life under the impression that all I see is a virtual hoax and that somehow I have fallen into the pivotal role of being the dunce. The one who’s job it is to avoid the big question and just keep moving on, find a future something to live for, something to die for, something that we can all use to give us the energy to fight. Fuck my pride. The pride I have for myself is to keep moving, keep making spaces and building things, connecting myself and to grow something incredible but instead I wait on my couch binge watching reality TV shows and drinking wine all day. I have dreams of grandeur, but I also have dreams of a modest life and they don’t seem mutually exclusive. Maybe every way is a dead end or maybe we're coming down on the landing strip.
I’m a dick. I’ve been a dick in the past. I think we're all dicks sometimes. Who cares. Let’s be dicks to the dick that’s fucking us in the ass on a daily basis, let’s make it our own little bubble where we can fuck each other in the ass consensually and not be ashamed of it. Let’s paint all the blank walls with pretty paintings that our kids make on ladders that we can make out of gutted abandoned building materials. Let’s quit our jobs and clean up nasty condemned buildings so people that don’t have houses can live there for free. Lets just let each other be alive and do fun stuff clean the water and the air. Lets say fuck this program and make a better world together!!!
But I guess you don’t trust me, just the same as I don’t even trust the best of my friends. I too have gotten to the point of surrender. I have found that what is happening is out of my control. Right now, it seems like certain doom, but I have faith that a tragic accident will happen in the bike lane, and when the two collide, bike paths will become a mandatory city ordinance. From the innards of the most modest and prestigious of of all the shit holes left for us to maintain, we will create a world where anything is possible.
I’ll bet my life on it.